Always
by redheadleela
Summary: Trapped on a crime scene afloat Sara is ill... but it's not serious right?  Rating is precautionary, due to dark themes, not bad langauge.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I haven't written csi fic for a while so apologies if people seem a little OOC (please tell me and i'll do some 'revision' (i.e. watch the dvds!) The medical condition I describe in this piece is meant to be fictional, although it may be a real condition, but in this fic it is just a combination of too many physiology lectures and inspiration from dark Blink-182 songs.

While working a 'mysterious death'-crime scene on a large boat anchored on the shore of Lake Mead.

As the storm that had been building for days descended, we all felt the boat lurch, heard the anchor scrape against the lake's floor, and the whole boat moved off out away from the shore.

The boat drifted further out into the lake. "Crap!"

The whole team turned as one to look at me curiously, I could hear their minds whirring. Why would I, Sara, be so upset about having to spend more time at work.

I thought ruefully to myself,_ 'If only they knew! But if I'm stuck out here, maybe they soon will...'_

As if in response to my thought Catherine appeared and reported, "I can't get through on the radio, the storm is killing the signal. I think we're gonna be stuck out here all night!"

Cath looked justifiably upset, she sees so little of her daughter as it is. I tried to hide my own feelings at this news, but Greg seemed to catch something on my face as his own showed feelings of worry and confusion.

"Well there are several cabins on the lower deck that me and Nick cleared for evidence, we could double check them and then bunk down." Warrick's practical suggestion kicked my brain back into action.

"There's got to be a way to get a message to shore!"

"There isn't!" retorted Catherine.

"Maybe like a fog light?" I instantly wanted to swallow my words, I had said them with such a tone of despair and desperation that even Grissom had noticed. My heart beat quickened and I felt my blood pounding through my veins, my face flushed and as I considered leaving the room to try to regain my composure I realised that being flustered was actually a good thing with my condition!

"Sara?" The expression in Grissom's tone of voice was one I had heard numerous times before, never at evidence but always at me. Such a sound of uncertainty, and just a hint of fear.

"It's nothing, doesn't matter" I mumbled, staring at my shoes; unable to lie and meet his eyes. And yet I felt his gaze linger on me and the the silence of the room deepen, my heart beat picked up again. Maybe I could manage a half-lie, "I was just meant to pick up a prescription after work." I shrugged again to try to cancel out the slightly alarmed looks on their faces.

My advice based on this experience is simple, criminalists are naturally curious people, so if you are trying to conceal information from them, don't get stuck on a boat with them all night!

"A prescription for what?" Nick posed the question but from the array of puzzled faces before me I knew that they all wanted an answer.

_'I can't tell them, can I? But if I'm really stuck here surely they're gonna find out anyway. But maybe tonight won't be a bad night, maybe I can manage until we get to shore'_... and then I felt the dizziness start.

"Sara?" I'd let the silence go on too long. I needed an answer or at the very least a distraction.

And one came in the form of Catherine Willows, "If it's the contraceptive pill, I think you're safe!"

I knew she was kidding, that she was giving me a distraction and was trying to lighten the mood. I knew all of this and would've grinned at her but a sudden peak in the dizziness made it necessary to close my eyes tight.

"Cath!" Came the shout of disapproval from Warrick and Nick simultaneously and a slender hand found mine and gripped it

Once I felt steady I re-opened my eyes to see a much changed scene, Nick and Warrick stood closer to me, as if they'd moved forward and then stopped suddenly and they both wore expressions of annoyance, Greg was silently at my side holding my hand, Grissom was staring intently at the floor and Cath was managing to look both guilty and worried at the same time.

I finally found my voice, "Cath. Guys. It's okay, I know she was only kidding." I looked across at Grissom, he had raised his slightly, just enough for me to see that he was still blushing. This sight brought a grin to my face.

Then everything went dark.


	2. Chapter 2

Author Note: I forgot to mention in the first chapter's note, but I imagine this to be set in a sort of alternate ending to season 4, but if that doesn't sit right with you guys I leave it up to your own imagination. After this chapter the content gets less medically geeky, so hopefully if you are feeling a little lost you'll stick with me on this.

Enjoy and please review if you have the time.

I woke up feeling groggy and confused but after about a minute I realised where I was and what had happened, I'd become quite the expert in fainting lately.

"Sara, you okay?" Nick's face appeared above me, I assumed I was on the floor.

"Yeah. I've felt better, but I'll be..." The words died in my throat, what I'd been about to say was that I'd be fine.

Nick frowned down at me and then seemed to come to a decision.

He leaned backwards and called, "Guys? She's awake."

_'Gee thanks Nick! Just what I need.'_

The team filed into the room. The people I spent so much time with, my surrogate family, the people who I loved. My gaze lingered on Grissom and I realised I'd hidden the truth for long enough.

"I'm so sorry guys." I managed to choke out before the tears overwhelmed me.

"Sara!" The only one of them who had ever seen me cry was Grissom and that was a long time ago now.

I took a deep breath and listened to my 'slower-than-should-be-heartbeat' "I should've told you sooner." My courage wavered.

Grissom crouched down beside me, and it was at that moment I realised I was on a low bunk bed.

He took my left hand and held it between his own, and stated, "You're ill."

It wasn't really a question but I nodded in response anyway. I took another deep breath and revealed, "A tumour."

At my words I heard Catherine gasp, Grissom gripped my hand tighter and asked, "How long?" I wasn't sure if he went 'how long have you known' or 'how long do you have to live' .

I just shook my head, "I'm so sorry, Gil"

There was an understandably awkward silence, I'd never wanted my friends burdened with this knowledge.

Finally, in a very quiet voice, Catherine broke the silence, "So what'll happen to you? I mean, how you reacted about not being able to get your prescription..." She let her sentence tail off, I saw how awkward she looked, something that was as rare as a blue moon, for this self-confident sparkling redhead.

"You guys really want to know? I mean the expression 'Ignorance is bliss' is sometimes true." I was anticipating another strange silence, but I was surprised by four voices instantly responding, "Yes!"

The only person who hadn't responded immediately was Greg, but he nodded slowly and in a careful considered tone he said, "A problem shared is a problem halved." He topped off this statement by smiling gently at me, I almost started crying again!

Grissom nodded appreciatively and Warrick clapped a hand onto Greg's shoulder.

"Okay, but I don't see how it will help." I sucked in another deep breath and under the pressure of 'confessing' I felt my pulse quicken again, I found the feeling wonderfully strengthening. "The tumour is in my brain and it seems to do nothing but secrete large amounts of acetylcholine, at random intervals but increasing in frequency." As soon as the words had left my lips I shut my eyes, I didn't want to see the power my words had, I remembered full well the effect they had on me when received from the oncologist. I felt as if I could hear their minds whirring in the silence so with my eyes still firmly shut I added, "The prescription was for more of a pro drug to increase the amount of acetylcholinesterase in my bloodstream. It helps keep the levels of acetylcholine within a safer range."

I felt my hand being squeezed so I dared to open my eyes. I found Grissom looking at me with so much pain in his eyes, but somehow this didn't make me feel any worse, maybe it was my own pain, fear and sadness I saw being reflected back at me.

"But acetylcholine is just a normal neurotransmitter, right? It helps us to relax and rest, like the opposite of the 'fight or flight' reflex. So how can that...?" There was a moments pause while Greg considered his own words, "Oh."

I decided to go all the way with this revealing of secrets and confirm to Greg what he had just realised, "Yeah, it helps us to rest, its slows the heart beat, lowers blood pressure, slows breathing. So too much of it... apparently I'll pass into a coma before I actually..." I suddenly felt unable to say the word 'die', "So I guess it'll be pretty peaceful." I choked up again, I'd never been a religious, or even much of a spiritual, person, I had no hope of an afterlife to soften the cruel blow of an early death.

This fresh wave of sadness was interrupted by Grissom's calm, yet determined voice, "We're not going to let that happen, not tonight!"

I looked up at him and saw an expression of determination and something else that I couldn't quite place.

"Right, Greg. See if you can set up some kind of fog light on deck, try to get it to flash Morse code for 'SOS'." Greg nodded and left the room. "Nick, Warrick. Scour the ship, find anything we could possibly use to raise Sara's heart rate; coffee, sugar, anything!" They too nodded and left.

Grissom turned his gaze back to me, how soft it felt, and then he turned his attention to Cath, "I want you to stay with her, I would say keep her calm but under the circumstances..."

"I'll look after her, what are you going to do?"

"Get supplies." Was his mysterious answer before he exited the cabin.


	3. Chapter 3

Author Note: Hey guys, thank you so much for the reviews, they do wonderful things to my ego! Hope you all are enjoying this, and I'll try to keep updating as regularly as possible.

Enjoy, oh and as ever I don't own CSI or anything associated I just borrow the characters to play with like puppets!

Catherine shook her head and said, "Enigmatic as ever!"

I smiled and replied, "He wouldn't be Grissom if he wasn't a mystery to all!"

Catherine chuckled at this but countered with, "I always had the feeling that you understood him better than me, I think that's what annoyed me when you first came to Vegas."

I looked at her with no small amount of shock, "What gave you that idea?"

"I'm not sure specifically, but there always seemed to be this unspoken communication between you two."

"There's a lot unspoken between us!" I said rather bitterly.

Catherine looked a little taken aback, but continued, "I meant the way you two interact, particularly at crime scenes. You both moved together almost as if you'd been choreographed. There was a sort of elegance about how you worked independently but in sync with each other."

I nodded as I thought back to those early days in Vegas, but stopped abruptly as it had made me feel dizzy.

Catherine asked, "There is something between you two, isn't there?"

I looked up at her questioning face and, since I had paused, she started to blush, "Sorry I shouldn't have..."

"It's okay. Yeah, I'd say there is something there, but damn if I know what it is!" Catherine laughed again, then almost immediately became serious, almost stern faced.

"Sara?" She looked so uncertain, I thought about how much I admired this woman for all the certainty she's shown in herself over the years; the way confidence seemed to shine from her very skin. That glow was absent right now. "Are you not scared?"

I thought for a moment before answering, "Yeah, quite a bit."

"You don't seem to be, you hide it well!"

I laughed softly, slightly bitterly, "Too much practice!"

She looked at me, considered and then added, "But you're laughing and cracking jokes..." Catherine finished this statement with a wholly uncharacteristic shrug.

"Humour is the last great defence against the darkness."

"And now you sound like Grissom!"

And speak of the devil who should walk back into the room right at that moment. He glanced curiously between me and Cath, I looked at her too and realised we were both had identical guilty 'Cheshire Cat' grins on our faces. Finally, he settled his gaze on Catherine and asked, "What have I missed?" We just shook our heads at him and he seemed to come to the conclusion that he was better off not knowing, as he laid down hid armful of junk on the floor and began to sort through it.

Amongst other items he had duct tape, several screwdrivers and a television remote control.

Eventually my curiosity got the better of me and I asked, "Erm, Griss?" He looked up at me distractedly, "Whatcha doing?"

"Making a heart monitor." He replied, in a tone of voice that suggested he thought it was obvious.

"Well, I'm gonna leave you guys to it and go see how the boys are getting on." Cath sauntered towards the door, turned and I swear she was about to wink at me until she realised that Grissom was watching her too, so she settled on a friendly smile.

Grissom set to work on his 'heart monitor' and I was more than content to silently watch him, my mind full of ideas and memories spawned by my chat with Catherine. When he spoke, so softly that it made me jump (which can't really be considered a bad thing!), I was saddened to hear his question.

"Why did you keep this from me, from all of us?" There was no anger in his voice, not even any tone of accusation, just sadness bordering on despair.

I thought carefully about what I could and couldn't tell him as my reasoning. There was no one simple reason why I hadn't told them, but as he had looked up from his work I realised I had to try and answer his question. "I was scared. If no-one else knew I could pretend that it wasn't real and I didn't want you to make me take sick leave. There's a bunch of reasons, pick your favourite." I paused, my heart pounding now, before taking the harsh road I felt safest on, "And I don't see why you should be my first port of call in a crisis anyway, it's been a long time since we were friends, as if you even care!" I hissed the last part under my breath but he heard it anyway. I wasn't looking directly at him, how could I after saying such things, but I saw with my peripheral vision him putting down the circuit boards, looking up at me, then I felt him clasp my left hand inside the both of his.

"Of course I care!" He waited, frozen until I looked at him properly, then looked straight into my eyes and seemed to be trying to speak volumes with his own.

I was having none of this, I needed something in my life to remain 'normal' and as I had known it for the past few years. So much change and uncertainty was terrifying to me! I pulled my hand away and snapped back, "Well you've got a funny way of showing it!"

I expected Grissom to get up and leave as he often did when I got pissed and yelled at him. So what happened next took me totally by surprise and sent my heart racing!


	4. Chapter 4

Author Note: Hi guys, a big apology for the delay, I had some exams to sit at Uni and that took priority (sadly!) But I'm back now and should hopefully be updating this one regularly now. And it's another cliffhanger heehee sorry!

Reviews make me happy, enjoy.

He reached across me, gently turned my chin so that I was facing him directly, considered my face as if it was some fascinating piece of evidence and then kissed me, square on the lips, gently but with a sense of urgency, which was not lost on me.

I pulled away, reluctantly, and asked him, "Do you remember what I told you just after the lab explosion?"

He looked confused for a moment, and then his expression cleared to one of loss, he repeated our conversation from memory,

"_I don't know what to do about this"_

"_I do. And by the time you figure it out you really might be too late!"_

He looked so sad for a moment that I almost wished I'd not reminded him and then in a very quiet voice he responded, "I hope you were wrong." He paused again, seemingly to study my face, for almost a minute, then he hooked up a 'sensor' to my finger, a sensor that seemed to be constructed of duct tape and a lone wire.

I wanted to ask him if it was safe, to ask him if he'd regret all the times we'd never shared, mostly I wanted to ask him to hold me because I was afraid. He squeezed my hand, stood and left the room. I said nothing.

_'I've screwed it up again' I thought to myself, 'but, wow! He kissed me! Maybe it's not as I'd thought'_

And then I remembered that my chances of seeing dry land again, never mind a more profound relationship with Grissom, were slim at most. That's when the sadness overwhelmed me once more, even more so once I thought, _'Is this how it's always going to be for me, crying all alone?'_

I was shocked out of my tears when I witnessed Greg cartwheeling through the doorway.

"Great! Now I'm hallucinating!"

"No you're not. I've just got too much energy."

I gave Greg a wry smile and responded, "That's exactly what a hallucination would say!" I tried to sit up, failed and then added, "If you have so much energy, mind giving me some?" I smiled at him, the smile of the defeated, the one I'd seen on my mother's face so many years before, the smile of a person who knows they are doomed.

I saw Greg glance down at Grissom's 'heart monitor'

"I'd love to Sara, and I'd agree that you need it but I don't know how to help you." I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

"You're helping by just being here. What's my pulse like?"

Greg paused and I stayed silent while he counted the peaks on the improvised screen, he looked at me hesitantly and then answered, "50 beats a minute. God, Sara I'd be terrified if I was you, which I guess would help 'cos it would increase your heart rate..."

I smiled at him and cut across his rambling speech, "You know Greg, you are the best friend I've ever had."

"Yeah you tell me that every time you have one beer too many." He muttered sheepishly, he was avoiding my eyes.

"And Greg?" I waited until he looked up at me, "You're gonna make a great criminalist, don't let Grissom intimidate you, and if you ever need help with him go to Catherine, she can almost always help." I smiled at him again as his face slowly moved from a confused expression to a sad one, and after a moment, straight onto furious.

"No! No, no, no, no!"

I blinked at him in surprise, it wasn't at all like Greg to shout.

"You're not doing this to me! You're not giving me the 'goodbye' message! No! I've heard too many goodbyes! And with that he leapt up and ran from the room.

My heart beat increased for a minute then faltered in a feeble way and stopped dead.

_'Uh oh! I'm really in trouble now!' _

I coughed again and again to force the blood to continue flowing through my brain, I knew it wouldn't last long, I needed help!

I ripped the tape from my finger and stumbled out into the corridor. My vision was going grey, _'I'm going to pass out before I find anyone to help!' _

I fell to the floor and heard somebody shout my name just before the darkness consumed me.

_'So this is how it ends'_


	5. Chapter 5

Author Note: Thank you all for all the reviews and story/author alerts, does wonderful things to my self-esteem! Another chapter for you... may surprise some as you as I think some readers thought that the last chapter was the end. I know I'm such a tease!

Reviews make me happy, enjoy.

I awoke with a start. My memory was blurred but my vision was razor-sharp. I felt my heart racing, my breath coming in ragged gasps and my head spinning.

"What...? Huh?"

"Oh thank God!" I looked round to see the face of Nick Stokes crinkled in concern, he evidently saw my confusion as he added, "We found you in the hallway... You had no pulse." Nick swallowed and glanced away trying to regain his composure.

Warrick sat on the end of the bed I had reoccupied, "We gave you a jab with the Epinephrine pen we found and Nicky here gave you a few rounds of CPR until you started breathing on your own again." Warrick said all of this in his personal brand of chilled out tone, but behind it I could hear something or maybe sense something.

"So on a scale of 1 to 'ahhhh!' how scared are you guys?"

"How scared are we?" Nick looked round at Warrick hoping for support of how weird my question was. He did not however get the response he was hoping for.

"You've already accepted it, haven't you Sara?" Warrick pierced me with a x-ray-like glance that would have shamed Grissom.

I nodded slowly feeling my heartbeat reduce, the tumour was already fighting against the effects of the epi shot! "I don't know about accepting it, but come to terms with it, yeah." Nick was looking at me with an expression of utter disbelief, "What? That's so hard to imagine?"

Nick seemed to lose his control again, he ducked his head and took a deep breath. Me and Warrick waited patiently until he started to laugh, "I've never seen you react to anything you didn't like in such a calm way!" Me and Warrick both laughed in response to this, but Nick looked flushed and embarrassed.

"I was angry, at first. But I've had 6 months to wrap my head around it." My voice tailed off as two things happened at once, my heart skipped a couple of beats, at the same time Nick and Warrick both stared unblinkingly at me. I was more concerned with the first and they also noticed this as they had reattached me to Grissom's 'heart monitor'.

"Sara?"

I had closed my eyes hoping it was a momentary blip. I was having trouble catching my breath.

"Sara?" I felt a hand grasp mine.

I opened my eyes and saw Nick lent over me, "Hey", my voice came out as a whisper.

"You okay?" I smiled at him but allowed the exhaustion I was feeling to show through. "Well, you know what I mean!" I gave him another smile. "You knew for 6 months? And didn't tell any of us?"

"You're angry." I was a statement not a question, but he answered anyway.

"It makes me realise how much like Grissom you are sometimes." He shook his head before adding, "We could've helped!"

"No you couldn't, there was nothing anyone could do. The doctors made that perfectly clear."

"I didn't mean we could change what was happening to you but we could've made the most of it, spent more time all together, if that was what you wanted..." Nick trailed off and looked lost in thought.

I gave him a minute before saying aloud what he was thinking, "I did want that, and you're remembering how many times I asked you all to hang out. It's okay."

"No it's not! If we'd known... If I'd known..." The amount of my invitations to hang out after work that he'd turned down was obviously paining Nick.

I grabbed his hand tighter, "I mean it, it's okay! If you had known, it would've felt fake, like posed photos for posterity rather than real good times captured on film."

Nick looked lost and so immensely sad.

"Erm, Nick? Where did Warrick go... and I suppose more to the point when?"

He chuckled again, "When your heartbeat freaked out again before, he left the room. I assume to go find the others." He paused and looked at me curiously, "Why did we hear Greg shouting, what did you say to him?"

I replied very quietly, I didn't want Nick to run out of the room too, "I was trying to say goodbye."

"And he didn't like that?"

"Apparently not, I should've realised... I mean after his brothers...", We both shifted uncomfortably and I felt my heartbeat decrease again, Nick glanced at the 'heart monitor' and frowned.

"Well... How about if we make it unnecessary for you to be saying your 'goodbyes' at all?"

"Well, yeah that'd be good", I gave him a weak smile and shut my eyes briefly, or so I thought.

My heartbeat slowed further, my breathing slowed, I hovered on the edge of unconsciousness.

_Where's Nick gone? I hope he's got a plan, they've all given me hope that I'll make it back to shore, I'm starting to believe them!_


	6. Chapter 6

Author Note: Second chapter today! I'm on a roll. Enjoy and as ever reviews are most welcome, as is constructive criticism.

"Come on Sara, wake up!" I felt somebody gently but insistently stroking my cheek. I opened my eyes to see Greg hovering behind a blurred vision of Grissom. I blinked startled, Grissom's face slowly slid into focus, "That's it, here drink this."

He handed me a steaming mug of coffee, "Oh caffeine... kinda short-term isn't it?"

Grissom merely smiled his mysterious smile at me and stood up, and turned to talk quietly with Catherine, who I now realised was stood by the door, with Warrick and Nick on either side of her. Greg shuffled forward nervously, sat down on the bed next to me but avoided looking me in the eye. I took a drink of the coffee, puzzled at the familiarity of the taste. "Greg? Is this your blue Hawaiian stuff?"

He nodded still not looking at me so I put my hand on his cheek, and almost lost my grip on the coffee mug in the process. He looked at me suddenly, steadied the mug and returned my gesture by placing his hand on my cheek. "I'm sorry, about before..."

I grinned at him, "It's okay, really." I drank some more of the coffee and felt my heartbeat gain some strength. "Greg?" He looked up, "Why did you have your stash of coffee with you at a crime scene?"

Nick chuckled as Greg shifted guiltily, "Well if you must know... I needed a night off next week so I thought I'd bribe Grissom. You know my coffee is the only thing he can't resist!"

Greg grinned as he finished this sentence and Catherine snorted and started laughing so hard she had to cling onto Warrick for support. Everyone in the room looked curiously at her, except me, I ducked my head to hide my own giggles. I knew fine well what Catherine had found so funny. I took another gulp of my coffee to try and stop myself from bursting out laughing.

"Cath?" I looked up to see Catherine literally crying with laughter! I couldn't control myself any longer and I burst out laughing too.

"Sara?" I managed to look up and realised that Nick was the one asking, Warrick looked bemused as Catherine gripped his arm, Greg grinned cheekily at me (he knew exactly what he'd said!) and Grissom looked on at me with a look so intense that I stopped laughing and started blushing.

Catherine evidently heard this sudden change and managed to regain her composure (at least temporarily)

_'Yay! Awkward silence, always good!'_

"So if the coffee is only a temporary solution, have we got a longer term plan?" I asked, feeling apprehensive about the answer. _'God! What if they say 'no'!'_

There was a strange shifting of everyone in the room, as they adjusted from confusion and amusement to a sense of seriousness and business.

"We've gathered some supplies, don't worry" Grissom smiled gently at me, " We should have enough chemicals that we can use to keep you going through the storm."

I felt the knot of fear in my stomach loosen, until my brain caught on one word, "Should?"

Grissom turned to the others, "Sara's right, 'should' isn't good enough. Have we missed anything? Is there anything we haven't thought of?"

I lay there and watch my friends think, as if this was any other crime scene, as if there were some crucial piece of evidence that had been overlooked. And yet on all of their faces there was a layer of intensity that proved that this wasn't just any other puzzle to be solved.

"Actually I have two things to add to the list," Catherine blushed, "Firstly there's these." She pulled a small box out of her pocket and she laid it on the table next to Grissom. He looked at her quizzically. I answered is unasked question.

"Nicotine patches. Cath, I thought you quit years ago."

She shrugged, "Don't give me the third degree until you hear my second suggestion..." I thought she was pausing for dramatic effect until I realised that Catherine looked truly uncomfortable.

"What?"

She shifted from foot to foot, looking so incredibly awkward I had to stop myself from laughing, "Cath, if it'll help me stay alive long enough to reach dry land I don't much care what it is!"

She looked from me to Grissom and back again and raised an eyebrow, then quietly she simply stated, "Sex raises the heart rate of both individuals." And then she fled the room giggling.

_'And I thought the silence before was awkward!'_

"Erm..." Warrick cleared his throat and mumbled, "C'mon guys." Nick grabbed Greg by his collar (as he looked intent to stay and watch the fun!) and the three of them left the room.

Leaving the two of us alone. My heart was thudding and I had a feeling it wasn't from the coffee.

"Sara..." He looked at me then quickly shifted his glance to the floor, the door, the porthole and then the table.

"Gil?" I watched a shiver run down his spine as I called him by his real name.

"Sara." He managed to look at me, my pulse leapt up another 5 beats or so per minute. He looked across at his creation.

"Hmm, it seems Catherine may have had a good point." I stared at him shocked.

"What..? You mean...?" I couldn't form a sentence that fully expressed all the questions I had for him.

He reached out and played his fingers gently over my arm, so gently he was barely making contact, but enough to make me shiver and tingle, and apparently for my heart rate to rise again!

Grissom chuckled, with a deep throaty laugh, one I had only heard once before, a long time ago.

I looked up at him in disbelief and saw him lean in close enough for his lips to graze mine, and hear him laugh again, "This could work!" He murmured against my lips and I felt my whole body shake. I closed my eyes to concentrate my every part on the sensation of being under Grissom's control.


	7. Chapter 7

Author Note: Hi all, I am really sorry for the delay in updating, but I'm at uni and barely finding time to eat and sleep, which is probably why I am now ill, so I have time to write! Haha. Oh well, hope you guys like this chapter and I will get more up as soon as I can.

Disclaimer: I just borrow the characters I don't own anything!

Despite the worries of the last few hours, days, weeks... Right now I felt as though my heart was going to explode if it beat any faster. So the last thing I really needed (for many reasons) was a sudden shock, but life isn't fair is it?

There was a sudden crash and various muffled yells and crashes from around us, I instinctively reached out to steady Grissom, and was comforted to realise he had done the same to me.

"Erm, that didn't sound too good."

Grissom looked at me, considered for a moment, picked up the box of nicotine patches and pressed them into my hand, "For while I'm checking on that..." I ducked his gaze, it felt too intense, too sudden, too late! He reached across and lifted my chin so I would meet his eyes, "And finish that coffee." With that he left the room and I looked around for the mug of coffee, it was on the floor next to me, evidently Grissom had taken from my hands and placed it on the floor... which was strange as I had no recollection of that!

I felt the room shudder again and decided, as Grissom may be away for a while, I should follow his instructions. I opened the box and applied one of the patches, and allowed myself a giggle at Catherine's embarrassment. My heart rate actually felt steady and healthy, possibly for the first time since I'd collapsed. My thoughts strayed back to those few moments with Grissom, had it truly only been moments? It had felt like years... And was it just for tonight, just to get me safely back to shore?

Grissom had never struck me as the kinda guy to 'take one for the team' certainly not in that sense! It had felt real, but maybe that's because I want it to be... And as Catherine had jokingly said early when she thought my prescription was for the contraceptive pill, I would be safe from the guys!

But she also said that in some ways I knew Grissom better than her...

Warrick interrupted my tormented thoughts, and I took a big gulp of my now cold coffee, as I thought he had been sent to check on me. "Hey." He sat down on the floor next to the bed (and still managed to match my eye level), "Well the good news is that the boat has stopped drifting..." I took the cup from my mouth and waited for him to finish. "But we are now taking on a bit of water."

"A bit?"

He shifted to get more comfortable, "Yeah a bit."

There was a moment where we stared into each other eyes, almost sizing each other up, until he smiled gently at me.

"The others are assessing the situation, but on the plus side the storm seems to be blowing itself out, so we should be able to get a distress call out soon."

I nodded and sighed with relief. Warrick seemed to pick up what I was feeling as he lent forward and held my hand. He looked straight into my eyes and said, "You're going to be okay Sara."

I tried to say, "I hope so." But all of a sudden I couldn't catch my breath, it would only come to me in short gasps.

"Sara?"

I continued my struggle to breathe wondering what was happening inside my body now and if the guys could do anything to help.

"Sara?" My vision went grey and fuzzy and I heard Warrick say, "Oh crap!"

When I next opened my eyes Grissom was sat next to me stroking my hair, when he saw my eyes open he whispered, "Hi."

I blinked at him, and gave myself a moment for my eyes to refocus, the whole team was back in my room, all looking pretty troubled.

"The ship is sinking?" I directed the question at all of them but really I was asking Grissom.

"Yeah, it is. The storm has died down but we still can't get a clear distress signal out."

I saw a shifty uncomfortable look move between them all, I took a moment and then realised quite what I was seeing, "You guys wanna swim for shore? But you're worried about leaving me here. I'm not having you die because of me!"

I felt Grissom grip my hand tightly, but his voice was quiet as he said, "No-one is going to die tonight."

There was more twitching in the corner or the room, and then Greg pushed his way forward, sat down next to the bed and turned to the others, looked each one in the eye and then ducked his head. There was a silent pause while we all tried to figure out what this meant, until very quietly Greg spoke, "Well I'm staying, cos I can't swim." and with that he turned round and smiled at me.

"What do you mean 'you can't swim'?" Nick almost shouted.

"Points for subtlety there Nicky!" Catherine shook her head laughing.

Greg stayed facing me, he seemed to find it easier to talk to the guys when he wasn't looking at them, but the intensity in the way he was looking at me, I think he was trying to tell me that even if he was an Olympic swimmer he would be staying. "Well, I can swim, but not well enough to get from here back to shore. I just never really learnt." He shrugged and ducked his head again.

I grabbed his hand and squeezed it until he raised his head to look at me again, and I gave him the best smile I could under the circumstances.

There was a slightly awkward pause in which Nick looked ashamed until Grissom continued, "Well, Nick, Warrick, you could both make it, right?" They both nodded mutely. They seemed to be psyching themselves up for the task. Grissom turned to Catherine, "What do you think?"

Cath grinned and replied, "I knew there was a reason I'd gone back to the gym!"

Grissom crouched down next to me, and reached out to touch my face, I once again felt breathless, but the good kind! "I'm going to go with them, make sure they're going in the right direction." I felt my heart sink.

_'He's going to leave me here? How can he... Why?' _

I was biting the inside of my mouth to stop myself from crying, I'm not usually this emotional but it has definitely been one of those days!

I felt him stroke my face with his thumb, it seems he had asked me a question and I hadn't responded. "Okay?"

I nodded mutely, and zoned out as he gave Greg a set of instructions about maintaining my heart rate.

I was brought back to reality when Nick lent over me and hugged me, "We'll see you real soon, okay?" I smiled at him and saw Catherine and Warrick nodding but looking very anxious behind him. The four of them left the room. I was left alone with Greg, he looked at me carefully, checked the heart monitor and then asked, "So now what?"

_'You took the words right out of my mouth, Greg!'_


	8. Chapter 8

Author Note: Another chapter for this fic, I'm really sorry for the delay (I swear I'm not doing it to heighten the suspense!) I have exams at the moment (can you smell the procrastination?) but I should have an outpouring of posting after that, otherwise my head is going to explode. I think there will be about 2 or 3 more chapters of this one.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the CSI characters or rights to anything to do with the show, so I hope no-one sues me!

I didn't want Greg to see me cry, but I knew it was coming.

_'I just can't believe he's left me, after all that he said, after... well after that kiss!'_

"Sara?"

I swallowed and looked up at him, pale and nervous, but with something fire-like behind his eyes.

"I should start charging people a fine for over-use of my name." I looked straight into his eyes and tried to figure out what the fire was.

He gripped my fingers tightly, and I waited for him to ask me if I was okay, the dumb question of the day. So it was a bit of a surprise what he said next,

"What's upsetting you Sara?"

I looked up into his eyes and saw how worried he was for me, and also his trademark curiosity shining through.

"I just can't believe Grissom left."

There was a short pause before Greg replied, "You know he only went upstairs, right?"

I stared at Greg in blank confusion so he continued, "He went up on deck to make sure the guys swam in the right direction to reach the shore and to shine the fog light at them so they can see where they're going. He told you this, didn't you hear him?"

I couldn't help it, I started giggling, and once I started I didn't seem to be able to stop. So this is what Grissom returned to, me lying there giggling continuously and Greg looking perplexed.

Grissom smiled gently, he patted Greg on the shoulder, and looking at me asked, "What have a missed?" I just smiled back, unable to speak due to my laughter at my own mistake. Greg just shrugged and went to leave the room.

"Greg? Can you stay a while..." I took a unnecessarily deep breath before adding, "I mean if my time is up I want to spend what I have left with both of you."

Greg nodded and sat back down, but closer to my bed than before. Grissom sat down next to me on the bed and stroked my hair, I caught a glimpse of Greg blushing before I closed my eyes.

"I've told you Sara, you're not going to die."

"Everyone dies, Gil."

"Yes but not tonight."

I opened my eyes to see Grissom staring directly into mine, a stray thought floated across my mind, _'I think if all it took was hope and love then he would be right!'_ and was only drawn back to the present when Greg muttered, "Awkward!"

I giggled again and Grissom turned and looked at Greg. I took this opportunity to sit up and lean in towards Grissom. He obviously noticed the shift in weight on the mattress and turned back, to find me about an inch from his face, "Hi." He smirked at me, "Hello dear."

"Stop scaring Greg." And then I lent in and kissed him quickly and pulled back again.

Grissom turned his head, as if considering then said, "I will if you will. I think this evening you have scared all of us more than I have ever scared Greg."

"Hey!" I pretended to be offended but to be honest he had a very good point.

Me and Grissom were staring each other down, and only stopped when a small voice said, "I dunno Grissom, you have scared me a lot over the years." I burst out laughing again, and was joined by my two best friends.

That's when the mood changed, Grissom glanced across at the 'heart monitor' and frowned, he got up looked closer, from my position I couldn't see the display, "Greg? What..."

And then I felt it, my heart did not feel right at all. I felt it race through several rapid ineffectual beats and found that I couldn't breathe. I managed to gasp out, "Grissom?"

He looked up at me and I saw the fear in his eyes, this was not good.

"Sara," He took hold of my hand, and I felt my heart skip a beat and then continue to thrash in my chest. "I don't want you to be scared."

"A bit... late... for that!"

My heart managed a couple of roughly normal beats and then skipped another few.

_'Oh God, I'm going to die!'_

"Sara?" Grissom had seen that my focus was slipping, "Stay with us Sara!"

I saw the corners of my vision darken, "Guys?" My voice came out sounding terrified, _'Hell! I am terrified!'_

Grissom lent in close to me, he gripped my hands tightly and whispered, "Don't be afraid, Sara. I'll see you really soon, help is on the way." I felt his lips touch mine and just like Sleeping Beauty in reverse, the darkness consumed me.


	9. Chapter 9

Author Note: Another chapter for you all! So sorry about the delay. I think there is just one more chapter to go here. We'll see what happens. Thank you all for the feedback and for sticking with this story. Happy reading!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the CSI characters or rights to anything to do with the show, so I hope no-one sues me!

And so there they were, Sara lay in Grissom's arms. The longer I looked the less I could believe the situation we were all in. The pain I was feeling, it was so large I could only imagine some of it was Grissom's pain. Were we sharing each other's pain? From the pain etched on his face I hoped my own was not affecting him, I decided to withdraw. I walked slowly back through the ship, and up onto the deck. I tried to keep my thoughts at bay and keep a look out for any signs of approaching help. I started walking in a loop about the deck, thinking about my best friend, my teacher, Sara Sidle, the cleverest woman I had ever known.

I turned once again and that's when I saw it, a bright light, just a small point of light, but approaching fast. I walked closer to the side, checked the side of the boat, the advancing line of water against the prow of the boat. I checked the approach of the boat and saw it was much closer. Help would arrive very soon, time to deliver the news. As I walked back into the bunk room in which Grissom had stayed with Sara I noted that the room had not changed since I'd left. The only indication of life in the room was Grissom reacting to my approach. "Greg?" he asked quietly.

"A boat approaching, I think help is about to arrive." I tried not to let the hope penetrate my voice too much.

"Good. Help me get her up there?"

I nodded at him, my voice now stuck in my throat. I hadn't asked. He hadn't offered the information either. But when I touched her skin I would know. I wanted to ask before I discovered, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. Grissom lifted her slightly off his lap, and I wrapped my arms around her, under her knees and just under her shoulders. I took a few steps backwards holding the limp form of my friend. Grissom stood up and walked out of the room, he knew I would follow him, I was so numb independent thought was not an option.

As we returned onto the deck of the boat I saw that our saviours were just pulling alongside us. The boat, the crime scene was so low in the water now, the question of reaching the LVMPD speed boat had become a non-issue. I heard a familiar voice shout out towards us. I held Sara more securely, and as I did I felt a weak pulse in her side, or did I? Maybe it was just wishful thinking, as she lay as lifeless in my arms as ever. As I reached the side of the boat I saw the owner of the familiar voice was Captain Brass, and he reached out to take Sara from me. I handed her as gently as I could, given the swaying of both boats. A frozen looking Warrick appeared next to Brass with an insulation blanket wrapped around him. "Hey guys! That ride you wanted?" and he grinned up at me and Grissom, he offered his hand out to help Grissom down. Despite the assistance he still stumbled, mostly because his eyes were fixed on Sara, not on where his feet were heading. Warrick turned to me, I looked down at the dark, choppy water that lay between the two vessels, I hesitated, fear striking me.

"Come on Greg! I'll catch you." Warrick stared up at me, his eyes meeting mine, and an understanding passed between us, the knowledge he had gained about me earlier in the forefront of his mind, but there was no derision on his face. So, I trusted him, and jump I did.

I don't really remember the trip to the hospital, I think I was in some sort of trance. At first I was thinking complex thoughts about Sara, which rapidly distilled down, in my panicked state, to a single thought repeated over and over, 'Please don't let her die!'

The next thing I was really aware of was Catherine sitting down next to me and wrapping her arm around my shoulders. "Hey Greg? You still in there?"

I turned and looked at her, still feeling vaguely detached, I saw how concerned she looked and realised that I had better answer. "Hey. Yeah, sorry just... tired, I guess."

She nodded and gave my shoulders a brief squeeze before continuing, "You could always go home, it's been a long night for all of us."

I nodded slowly and then frowned, I felt I was supposed to stay at the hospital but I couldn't figure out why. "But, what about Sara?"

"She won't be out of surgery for hours, Greg. Then she probably won't be conscious for a while after that."

I stared blankly at her, confused, had someone told me this earlier, just how tired was I to forget something like that?

"Greg? Did you not hear Grissom when he told us what the doctors had said?"

I shook my head numbly. "I guess it didn't sink in, sorry."

She smiled at me, "As I said, its been a really long night. He told us that they were going to operate, that the tumour was too active to be controlled by the medication any more, so they were going to attempt to remove it."

I sat very still while I let this information sink in, as if my stillness would make this easier to process. "But didn't she tell us the tumour is in her brain?"

Catherine nodded and swallowed hard, she seemed close to tears.

"Yeah I guess that we probably do have time to go home and catch some sleep then huh?"

We headed out of the hospital and hailed a cab, neither of us were in any state to be driving. It seemed only moments later that I was collapsing onto my bed. Unfortunately it seemed even less time when I was woken up by my cell phone ringing.

"Yeah? Hello?"

"Greg." Grissom's voice sounded hoarse, like he hadn't managed to get any form of rest, but more than that he sounded nervous.

"Grissom? How is she, is she out of surgery?"

There was a epic moment of silence before he responded, "Yeah she's out of surgery. She's..." I heard him sigh, "She's not woken up yet. I..." Words seemed to fail him completely so through my sleep-deprived brain I tried to figure out what he was trying to say. Decoding Grissom had never been my strong suit but I gave it a shot and I suddenly understood.

"Grissom? Are you asking for some company while you're waiting for her to wake up?"

There was another massive pause, followed by a very quiet response, "Yes please."

My heart went out to him, the guy wasn't great at expressing himself at the best of times, which this really wasn't!

"Yeah no problem. Erm, just give me chance to grab a shower and I'll be right there."

I thought he had hung up from the silence that followed my answer but I waited just in case and I was glad I had as I heard, "Thanks, Greg." followed by the dial tone.


	10. Chapter 10

Author Note: Final chapter guys! Thank you all for sticking with me, I know I've been slow to post but I'm really quite proud of this one, mostly because of the awesome feedback you have all been giving to me. And to those that asked me in the reviews, I promise this chapter is safe for you to read. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the CSI characters or rights to anything to do with the show, so I hope no-one sues me!

To say I woke up with a headache would be an understatement! I didn't want to open my eyes as the pain in my head was already so bad that if a bright light was to hit my eyes I think I would've knocked me out! I could hear at least one other person breathing near me, I was a little fuzzy on where I was, and so I was vaguely concerned as to who the other people were.

"Hello?"

There was a scuffling sound and someone stepped closer to me. To say this made me anxious is also a bit of an understatement.

"Sara, are you awake?"

"Ah, Greg. Cool."

"Sara?" I felt him take hold of my hand, "Can you open your eyes for me hun?"

"Don't want to. Head hurts." I knew what I meant, I knew what I wanted to say, it just didn't seem quite happen as I intended.

"Okay, Sara. I'd be surprised if you didn't have a headache." He paused and squeezed my hand, "Do you know where you are?"

I tried to search my head for the most recent memory but it made my head ache worse and all I produced was a fuzzy image of a boat. "Not sure."

"You're in the hospital, the doctors operated on you to remove the ."

I frowned a little trying to figure out when Greg had learnt about my condition, and then realised that crinkling my forehead was not a good idea.

"Greg?"

"Yeah?"

"Erm... Is there someone else here? I thought I could hear two people."

"Yeah, Grissom is here too, but he's pretty crashed out. I thought he'd wake up at the sound of your voice but apparently not. To be fair to him he stayed awake for about 48 hours straight."

I fell silent as I searched my mind to make sense of Greg's words, he thought Grissom would wake at the sound of my voice, why?

"Greg, what happened? I mean why would Grissom...?" My words failed me again.

I heard him whistle low, under his breath, "You don't remember?"

"Apparently not."

"Well, erm..." Greg didn't seem to know what to say to me or how to start. Fortunately he didn't have to. As unnoticed by the both of us Grissom had been awake and listening for some time.

"It's okay Greg, I'll talk to her, why don't you go call the others to let them know she's woken up?"

Greg squeezed my hand one more time and seemed to leave, but I guess he stopped just short of the door, as his voice was quieter when he spoke again, "I'm glad you're okay Sara!"

"Hey Sara. Can you try and open your eyes?" He had sat down next to me on the bed, the proximity was exciting, and for some unknown reason not surprising.

"I'll... I can try." And so I did, I saw Grissom's kindly smile beaming down at me, I squinted slightly as the bright light of the hospital room hit my eyes, but I kept them open and on him.

"Atta girl." He kept smiling at me but a searching expression crossed his face too. "You don't remember what happened on the boat?"

I shook my head, gently, "But I think I want to remember, it sounds like it was something awesome!"Grissom chuckled slowly, and a memory presented itself to me, I couldn't quite grasp it but I suddenly felt flushed, excited and my heart was beating rapidly.

He continued to search my face, as if looking for clues or a guide to what to do next. His eyes on my lips, and he seemed to come to a decision. I have to admit I was a little startled by what came next but I have no complaints!

The next thing I was aware of, apart from this pleasurable experience, was Greg re-entering he room and clearing his throat. Grissom pulled his lips a little way from mine and responded, "Yees?"

I started giggling, something had obviously happened between these two on the boat, I'd learn about it some other time, but for now I loved Greg's confident, almost cocky, response of, "Just giving you a warning that you won't be alone for long, the guys are on their way. So.. you know, make the most of it." I then heard the door close again, I started giggling afresh and Grissom lent closer to me, "You know," his lips were so close to mine, "I think," he pecked me on the lips, "Greg has some good ideas." I was still giggling when Grissom finally descended on my lips.


End file.
